Have you ever travelled with a teenage boy? If you haven’t, buckle up. You’re about to experience it for yourself.
But first, let’s talk about how this trip came to be. When Gavin, my grandson, was four, I vowed I would take him anywhere he wanted to go to mark his 13th birthday (his younger twin brothers received the same promise.)
Over the next few years, ideas abounded: We could see the majesty of the Taj Mahal. Or maybe walk along the longest structure ever built by humans, the Great Wall of China. Wouldn’t it be amazing to explore a wildlife preserve in Africa?
Children, of course, are not static beings. Their emotions and interests and confidence shift as they grow, and by 13 my grandson was dead set on an epic trip.
To Legoland. In San Diego.
Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with beautiful Southern California or Legoland. But as a grandma of three boys, I had already cursed my way through stepping on plenty of castoff Legos — and I had a frequent buyer’s card for burgers and fries.
But after four more years of maturing (due in no small part to a two-year pandemic in the middle of his early teens), I was thrilled when Gavin requested we explore our family roots in the Netherlands over spring break. Visions of world-class museums, delicious food, and quality time with family danced across my imagination.
A nagging internal voice interrupted my daydreams: If you want Gavin to enjoy the trip, he has to be part of the planning and decision making.
Gavin’s must-have list included a hotel with a gym that had weights, quick and easy access to lots of good food, and a speedy internet connection so he could chat with his friends round the clock.
As I began making arrangements, I realized this might be our one and only grand adventure together. I made a pact with myself to make each day as amazing as possible for my grandson.
•••
The trip certainly didn’t start in an amazing way. The journey from my front door in British Columbia to the hotel room Amsterdam took a punishing 21 hours. After a restless sleep, we awoke in the dark.
“What would make today amazing?” I asked Gavin.
“If we were home,” he said wearily. “I don’t feel good.”
Not the most auspicious start, but I was certain tomorrow would be a brighter day! I had booked a walking food tour that was scheduled to visit five different restaurants. The promised menu included traditional Dutch dishes such as apple tarts, pannekoken, gouda cheese, and — of course — raw herring.
We walked. We ate. At the end of the tour, I asked Gavin, “What would make today amazing?”
“Could we have Subway for dinner?” he asked.
•••
Did you know Amsterdam has more events than any other city in the world?
Yet I struck out again and again when trying to find things to do with Gavin. Turns out not all growing teenage boys want to mosey through 800 years of Dutch history at the Rijksmuseum or cram into Anne Frank’s home. They like dungeons and horror museums and swinging waaaaaaay out on Europe’s highest swing at the A’dam Lookout.
For the next couple of days, I put my grandma card away and went along for the ride. At the upside-down museum a university student who worked there asked to take pictures of us while Gavin and I explored. The museum featured many rooms, each with a different theme, that were packed with fun optical illusions — in short, a social media lover’s dream backdrop. My normally camera-shy grandson seemed particularly agreeable to posing in front of all sorts of strange scenes. This is not a total waste of money! I thought, relieved.
At the end of 90 minutes in what I considered a weird funhouse, Gavin was more cheerful than he had been in days. I noticed how polite and happy he had been in the upside-down museum. What had changed?
As we were leaving, I noticed how many teenage girls were milling about and I had an “aha!” moment. I made a mental note: Next time you want to create an amazing day for this teenage boy, ensure teenage girls are close at hand.
•••
I competed in an online evaluation contest near the end of our time in Amsterdam. Gavin and I had agreed he would go to the gym for his usual 90-minute workout. After I finished with the contest, we’d have pizza in our room for supper.
During the five-minute contest breakout — a time when contestants have a chance to gather their thoughts and prepare to deliver their speech — my phone began lighting up. Gavin was coming back early.
Can we order pizza now? I’m hungry, he texted.
I am in a contest … after the contest, I wrote back. Please be quiet when you return because I’m in the middle of the contest.
I was prepping my video and soundcheck when I heard the door swing open, but I was in the middle of crunch time and I had to ignore it. Shortly after starting my speech, I saw something in my peripheral vision — first on my right, then on my left.
I soldiered on, trying not to notice. I heard the mini fridge door open. Luckily, the camera didn’t catch the scene behind me: Gavin crawling on the ground, belly down, in search of an elusive snack.
I am a seasoned competitor, but I learned that a teenage boy’s hunger will always win.
•••
This is your chance to learn from me and from Gavin. If you travel with teenage boys, keep a few rules in mind.
Make sure they have access to food. A lot of food. More than you think they could possibly eat. It helps avoid hangry moods and is comforting.
Help them be active, whether that’s working out or going for extra-long walks or renting city bikes. Teenage boys are still growing, after all — hopefully, from a knight to a king.
If your teenager fancies girls, try to go where the girls are. I promise you will experience exceptional behavior.
But above all, roll with the punches. You might not get the trip you planned, but you’ll definitely make memories they’ll remember long after you’re gone. And that’s the point, right?
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